CS- How large is your brain?
R- let's have a look……
Rat and Captain start playing with Paul's head & go through an operating room act…
CS- Fist we got the scalpel.
R- (In an American accent) Hey mate, the scalpel, no swabs. Lay off swabs.
CS- Aren't we obnoxious little sods?
R- Turn back to SEX!! Something about the vet. He fucks this chick that does animal noises while he's fucking her. His vet does.
P- Does this do anything particular for you or the girl?
CS- No, she just makes them. I punch her up. I'm fucking her and she goes "Ooooooooooooooooooo!!" then she goes "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Every one starts barking and making animal noises for a while.
R- I like helping little girls on to their bicycle seats. I think that's good fun.
P- Then smelling the seats?
R- NO! Not smelling the seats!! I smell their little quims.
P- Do you guys play music at all?
R- No, it's a complete fantasy.
P- You two are like Derek and Clyde!
CS- Cuuuunt!!!!! He says we're like Derek and Clyde!!!
R- What did you say then?
CS-Baaastaaard!!!! I called him a bastard, didn't I? Silly bastard! Silly little dyke!!
R- I like Lesbians!! I slept with two chicks once! That's my claim to fame you know. One was a very famous Cat Woman.
P- So what about your music?
R-What's your name?
R-Well, Paul Lovell, FUCK OFF!!!!
ML- Why don't you ask him some questions? (pointing to Brian James)
CS-Don't ask him anything, he'll smash ya in the mouth.!
Rat and the Captain are bored so they start making disgusting very wet blurping noises into the mike by pursing their lips together and forcing spit, as well as air through. Paul grabs their attention for a while as he shows them his talents as a manualist. They're all excited over that for a short while but soon return to making the noises. They cover the whole machine with spit. Then David leans over their backs (he's crouched up on a ledge against the wall) and spits directly into the one inch condenser mike. Good shot, to say the least. Then they start singing: "Glance in the mirror. I saw a cunt in the mirror…ooOOoo. Isn't it nice in here? OooOO!! Isn't it nice in here?"
R-Now, we got together about eight months ago.
P-Is that a new number?
R-No that's what they usually ask us.
P- Last July you got together?
R-No, that's a lie!
P- What happened with you guys and The Sex Pistols on the tour?
Everyone shuts up for a minute. You can tell this is a bad subject for them…
R-Don't talk to me about The Sex Pistols.
Now everyone starts yelling different things about the band and what happened on tour…
Jake- Don't mention that word again!!
R- We left the tour 'cause we were too political.
Brian - Too pi-LIE-tical. They were only into having a good time, right?
CS- But we wanna change the world!
P-And make money.
P- Money has nothing to do with it?
CS- We NEVER want to make money.
R- It has nothing to do with it. We're only here to get the message across.
R-Right on brothah!!
B- Are we the solution or are you part of it?
R- The Clash aren't the solution. That's part of the problem.
ML- How 'bout a group photo?
CS- How 'bout fuckin' off?
B- Take your clothes off!!
R-Yeah., take your clothes off!
B- If you don't take your clothes off, you can't take a photo!
R- Are you a proper photographer?
ML-What's a proper photographer?
R- Someone who doesn't use an Instamatic!! (Miss Lyn's camera was an Instamatic.)
CS-Get that heap of shit out of here!!
R- How dare you come in here and try to get our life patterns on that thing!!
The boys start playing word games about other English bands until they're bored with that and all stand around in silence. Then…
R- Are your tits real or did you blow them up for tonight?
ML- No, these are real.
Rat and Captain proceed to molest Miss Lyn. They try to pull off her shirt. Then they decide to take pictures of her tits. (Picture is to the right.) They and Jake lecture her on her tits. Then Rat decides it's time for a proposition…
R-Do you fuck?
ML- Well, don't we all?
R-For five bucks you can have him (Brian)…or for….fifty cents you can have him (Captain). For a dollar fifty you can have him (David) and for three hundred quid you can have me!
ML-How much is three hundred quid?
R- That's about six hundred dollars.
B-He's not worth a penny of it!
ML- Is that on? (pointing to the tape recorder)
P- Yes it is. Just wait 'til the Vice Squad here's this!!
J- The Vice squad won't mind if I piss on the microphone?
Jake gets up on to a chair to piss on the tape recorder . He start unzipping his pants…
P- I'm leaving!
B- Stick around, mate! No, no, this is rather funny! Come on!
There is a scuffle as they try to hold Paul on place. Finally he escapes virtually unviolated. Miss Lyn remains behind since she is practically cornered by Rat and The Captain. They plan out the last set and send someone out for the pizza….